How I most enjoyably spend my free time.

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March 27, 2015

The day the floods came, the water was on the rise, the soul dammed up by brick upon brick of false promises, egotistical lust, and betrayal.

Every hope of what is real in the world held captive behind a wall that grew out of the ground and into the sky so high, that it blocked out the sun.

Every attempt at an escape felt like drowning in the water that you thought was your own, now a prisoner to the wall, reaching for air to see the light, the surface, is just out of sight.

The day the floods came was the day I came home to see my wife with another man, and in their eyes was a spark of arrogant confidence with the intensity to burn down entire civilizations.

As I stood there in my hollow doorway, I could hear the far off cries of volcanoes weeping into a lifeless ocean, I heard the distant echoes of the ocean tide, the silent sound of the wall melting into the boiling waters it has retained until now. All of this over the sounds of threats to life and hatred screams.

And as I stood there, my breathing heavy, the parade of sounds filling my head, it all came to a dastardly climax on the edge of implosion, when all at once; setting in my head, all fell silent.

The Sun falling into the Westward horizon, emitting its vibrant, soothing colors reassuring the world that it would soon return; as I looked out to see the final inches of that glowing orb disappear into darkness, time seemed to stand still.

An entire infinity had passed by the time the world had finally caught up to me, the ground fell out beneath my feet as I watched pieces of my soul blanket the land of false promises, egotistical lust, and betrayal.

And as I watched hurricanes, whirlpools, and tsunamis rupture the water, all at once, the surface was as smooth as glass, the wild blaze in my soul had finally burnt itself out, amongst the calm of the world, the stars shown with such ferocity as to light my way. At the end of my journey I saw standing there a strong volcano, overseeing its newborn child.

On this island I stood; on this island I stayed.

A makeshift raft, made of a mattress drifted out, and on it drifted two pairs of sorrowful eyes, longing for shelter, clothing, food, and forgiveness, as I watched current strand them in to oblivion.

And as I sat, admiring the calm water, the sounds of the island, the friction of the sand on my body, and the aroma in the air, I looked to the East, to greet the Sun as it fulfilled her promise to return.

christian mullen will be teaching your children in the future so be nice to him or he will teach them communist ideals and cuss words. he is on twitter @aceavery1.

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March 24, 2015

/theres nothing left in this place
but a reason to leave./

everything looks so different now, your chapped lips, your formless hips silky & downy standing at the other side. what was once future mere presents ago now past, most unavoidable at last. i could feel it coming ever sins but i could never be ready to say goodbye. a couple weeks spent in casual disconnect & then a few more in helpless pleading it was already too late before we began. my ears ringing with your words now bleeding, drowning out what was & will forever be our song. imogen, our first dance as a married couerror—-skip-pping, re-remixxxing. sohmhthimgs wr0nd15c in damage5, eskratched error—-skip-pping, re-remixxxing sohmhthimgs wr0nd15c in damage5, eskratched -pay-able 0r0r nonread fundpay-able 0r0r nonread fund///5..tbcnene\e

quote from the naked & famous "the mess."

"'itll end in tears'" is part of hypernostalgia - prose and poetry by eli @kampsin.
the collection can be downloaded free of charge HERE.

March 24, 2015

/i thought it might scare you,
to see me under the ice.
make you remember you cared for me.
what would you do if i died?/

i wanted to write a poem from your point of view, but i just couldnt get into it, because i know longer no you. as we grew up together, i thought that would be enough, & then to see you succeed without me, well, its really quite too much. imagine who we couldve become. can you imagine how we could have loved? you said, "come with me if you wanna live." but you said it while you werent the girl i knew i could trust. she doesnt exist anymore. you killed her, cut her out, knives ive come to terms with. tomorrow im 21 if i live but how can you age if youre not alive? & then, how can you die? lmao, i dont know.

im still a teen, young blood at heart, an adult with broken mind. & ive seen stuck in love about a hundred times, drew a connection to the point of religion, now i pray for the strength to wait for you. will you be my jennifer connelly? can you tell im sleepwalking now? & if i should die before i see this all work out - it could, but i cant possibly see how - just please, shhh, just promise me you wont, if i die, you wont, please, dont let your love follow with me.

quote from la disputes "first reactions after falling through the ice."

"tomorrow im 21 if i live" is part of hypernostalgia - prose and poetry by eli @kampsin.
the collection can be downloaded free of charge HERE.

March 24, 2015

/"i wish you well" is what id say
if you asked me in the light of day.
but these nights are like a dream i cant shake./

its these subconscious assaults you dont know you make on me, where im alone in the high school band room which is now housing a computer lab for some reason, but i dont notice an odd thing while im reading a note you left typed on the screen in your handwriting, in german which, right now, id swear i could understand. about how ive begged you so convincingly youre thinking of coming back to me & if thats the way its gonna be, god, please dont ever wake me up.

but he always does, & maybe im thankful for that. because every days another chance to make these dreams a reality, but every day im reluctantly realizing - & correct me if im wrong, /please/ - youre really never coming back. & maybe ive known that all along… so friends, today i have no choice but to pretend i wasnt impaired by dawn. do forgive me if im absent or slip up, for since the second i woke up i cant wait to go back to sleep again & pray i pick up where i left off.

quote from the airborne toxic events "the fifth day."

"the post ex-dream funk" is part of hypernostalgia - prose and poetry by eli @kampsin.
the collection can be downloaded free of charge HERE.

March 24, 2015

/everything that kills me
makes me feel alive./

theres this part of me - were not on speaking terms - wants to move ons in dissonance with the resonance of memories you pinned to my chest, piercing & then heals around the holes, never close, never close. cant see the shakes, the shakes permeate waves crashing underneath your skin, into everything but when youre shaking with them, nothing appears to be moving at all & ever sins i learned to dance, #lessonlearned, #lessonlearned, at night under the vain university parking lot lights, i can feel i burned in the afternoon, & i just want to take a cool shower & lie down.

quote from onerepublics "counting stars."

"what stage of grieving is this?" is part of hypernostalgia - prose and poetry by eli @kampsin.
the collection can be downloaded free of charge HERE.

March 24, 2015

/with friends like you,
theres no need for enemies./

i was relatively okay only moments ago, they felt like any other, that same sick eternal im learning to live in alone, when i saw the return address on the envelope tears less fragile than the wedding vows it promises. i never wished to be illiterate until i read the words you wrote. but i just cant put it down, see youre something ill never be good at lying to myself. youre "thinking of" & "missing" me. get used to it, i cannot visit a creatures made their home in fantasy. & i can hear the wedding bells sounding. i wish i wish i could just press stop, & i wish i wish you all the best is what id say to someone i didnt so detest. but really, thanks for the invitation, itll make a great coaster for drinks on drinks on drinks, you give my life reason (to). & i peeled the stamp off the rsvp to mail a subscription to hustler magazine. oh, yes, "all is well" with me these days, if "well" & "fucked" are synonyms. i might be more excited if you tied the knot around your neck. valediction again, please, make this the last, signed "your friend" is a privilege that youll never have again. but hey, look on the brightside. 50 years down the line & they ask you, "whats the greatest thing youve accomplished?" at least you can say you inspired /this/.

quote from bring me the horizons "blacklist."

"tie that binds" is part of hypernostalgia - prose and poetry by eli @kampsin.
the collection can be downloaded free of charge HERE.

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